Jay Jay (xdays_ive_diedx) wrote,
Jay Jay
xdays_ive_diedx

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Daylight breaks on you and burns away the grey that suffocates your soul...

Why the fuck do I have such jealousy issues?
Is it because I've been fucked with and fucked over so many times in the past? Have I lost all trust in humankind?
Is it because I have reason to? That maybe what I think is happening really IS happening?
I'm fucked up. Period.
Read behind the cut if you wish....Happiness will NOT fill this entry more than a few lines hidden in confusing metaphors and text...



Is it so much to ask to listen to me for half a second?
Is it so much to ask for you attention rather than you give it to someone else?
Is it so much to ask to put ME before others when others are around.
I do it. Can't you?
Whether we're alone or with others, I always put you before others, I see myself as with YOU only, and the others jsut spectators in a little game we play that I like to call love.
No one else matters to me.
Sure there are the times when I'll laugh and joke with others.
But if you have something to say, I try my best to listen and SUPPORT whatever it is YOU say.
Sometimes I feel you put others before me.
I'm down...it gets you down...I'm RIGHT there.
And you RUN to someone else for help.
Someone who KNOWS whats wrong and is trying to help.
But you stop him from doing what will help the situation as if what I wanted didn't matter as much as HIM staying there when he knew him leaving would improve things cause I TOLD HIM so.
Is it so much to ask?
I don't ask much at all.
I'm an easy person to satisfy.
I just like knowing I can trust you.
I like knowing what you're doing and who you're doing it with.
Don't ever say I Love You to anyone, unless you really mean it and are dedicated to the relationship is what my parents have always taught me.
I have said it, and I mean it with everything.
I love you.
............................I do love you Tara.


So as many of you can tell.
Yesterday was NOT to much of a good day.
I'm not telling stories over this cause it's just not a public thing that EVERYONE needs to know. If you want to know, IM ME and if I want to tell you I will.
Besides that.
Madelyn, USH, Copasetic, Protagonist show was Friday.
Went with Tara, Tim and Matt.
They left around 9:15. lame.
So it was just me and Tara.
We went outside after like the 3rd band around 9:30.
And just sat outside talking and laughing until Madelyn went on around 11:15.
It was so great.
I love when it's just me and her.
IT makes me happy.
Saw like 4 songs of Madelyn and then had to leave cause Dad was there waiting.
Home around 12:30.
Then yesterday...blah.
May things never get like that ever again.
If I ever made you cry...I'm so sorry.
But you should have STAYED with me when it did happen, not him and use him for help. When HE was the problem all along.</3
But I put that aside for now.

"For now I hold a key, and though I may be lost
I know that I will find my way
I search endlessly but every time I've thought,
That I was near the smoke and mirrors lead me astray
See the pit boss, steal each tick tock
Time it seems will suffer at our hands
I look for exits in the haze, the dense electric twilight maze
I've heard that there is one that leads to sunlit lands..."


I Love You Tara<333

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